Funny Google Search Suggestions

Google’s Autocomplete service has provided some fun and quirky suggestions since Google fully launched the service back in 2008. For those who don’t know what Google Autocomplete is: when you start typing words into the Google search engine, Google provides a list of possible suggestions to complete your query. I tried a few searches today, using google.co.uk, and here are some screenshots of the funny results…

Today’s health and safety tip…

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The Handbag of Fire!

Last Thursday evening I was sitting in a wine bar with a couple of friends, partaking in some ‘man chat’ (travel, women, football… what else do men talk about? Ah yes, Top Gear). Across the room sat a table of ladies, enjoying a Christmas party. They, too, were busy drinking and chatting (travel, men, netball… what else do women talk about? Ah yes, the X-Factor ;) ).

As we approached the end of the evening, my friend pointed across to the ‘table of ladies’ and casually muttered the words “there’s going to be a fire in a minute.” I glanced across to observe that a handbag, belonging to one of the girls, was perched precariously close to one of the table candles. It seemed that every time the lady leaned over to talk to her friend, her elbow pushed the bag nearer to the candle.

Sensing the danger, I leapt up, as if I’d been bitten on the bum by an steel toothed antelope (quite impressive to behold, believe me), and scampered across the room, in a scene reminiscent of the film Backdraft (for those who don’t know, Backdraft was a film about fire fighters, not a documentary about flatulence). The way I saw it, I had three options: Continue reading

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The Ultimate Christmas House Decoration

Christmas House Decoration

I saw this on another blog and thought I would share it. Jonathan Macdonald decorated his house with this brilliant Christmas creation this year. However, it proved rather controversial and he had to take the fake man down after only two days. The most impressive incident occurred when a 65 year old lady picked the ladder up (weighing 35 pounds) and attempted a dramatic rescue. It was only when she got to the top of the ladder that she realised that the body was fake. I bet Jonathan was wiped from her Christmas card list after that.

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The Christmas Word Tree

So, what does Christmas mean to people? As a festive experiment, I used the information provided by Wikipedia’s Christmas article to produce this . By inputting the text into the fantastic tool at http://www.wordle.net, I was able to produce a tree shaped word cloud. I then used some basic Photoshop Christmas artistry for extra effect.

The more frequently a word features in the Wikipedia Christmas article, the more prominently it appears in the tree.

The Nutz Christmas Word Tree

The Christmas Word Tree

The Christmas Word Tree

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The Ultimate ‘Secret Santa’ Gift

So, you’re taking part in the office Secret Santa for this year. You’ve pulled the name ‘Derek’ out of the hat and you really have no clue what present to buy him. You don’t know much about the guy, other than that he is impartial to a curry on any night ending in ‘y’. Last week you went into the office toilet straight after him and, well, it smelled like an old tramp’s jockstrap in there (I’m only guessing at how bad that smells, by the way!).

Fear not, for help is at hand. I have found a way of killing two turtle doves with one stone. Here is the perfect gift for you to give to Derek; one that will make your (and every other office worker’s) daily toilet breaks much more bearable. Welcome to the world of:

Poo Pourri… “spritz the bowl before you go and no-one else will ever know”… (unless you then proceed to shit on the floor, presumably)

Poo Pourri

Poo Pourri

As an amateur writer, I enjoy reading your comments. So I'd love you to leave one below. Oh, and please follow me on Facebook by clicking through to my Facebook page and hitting the 'like' button. I'll give you a big, sloppy kiss if you do. :)