It’s good to see Pope Benedict XVI attack the commercialisation of Christmas during his Christmas Eve Mass. “See through the superficial glitter of this season,” he said, before adding “and don’t forget to visit the gift shop on your way out for a great 2-for-1 Christmas offer on Pope tea towels…”
I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas!
Alastair
I realise that I normally write humorous articles. But, for once, I’m going to go against the grain and write a personal story – an account of my long journey home for Christmas. Unless you’ve had your head stuck up Rudolph’s bottom, you’ll know all about the severe cold weather that has hit Europe over the last week.
On Tuesday morning, I arrived back from a week-long trip to Sofia, Bulgaria. I had originally booked to fly back last Saturday. However, on Saturday morning the skies over the UK airports opened and dropped what can only be described as a “shit load of the white stuff”. The whole of the South East of England looked like a scene from the movie ‘The Day After Tomorrow’. Airport chaos followed, with runways closed and flights cancelled on a mass scale. I spent the next two days wondering whether I’d be home in time for Christmas. Thankfully, I found and booked a flight back to a different London airport, and so began 15 hours of travelling in an experience that contained both frustration and exhilaration.
So, why exhilaration? Well, the trip truly made me realise that when people face a common goal or a common enemy, they really can come together to face it as one. My 15 hour trip took in 1 taxi, 1 plane, 2 trains, 2 coaches and an automobile. But, more importantly than those statistics, it allowed me to meet and talk to other people, all of whom had the same goal – to get back to their families in time for Christmas.
First was Frank, who I met on the Bulgarian Airways flight to London Heathrow and who was, coincidentally, scheduled to fly home to London Gatwick on the same two flights as me that were previously cancelled. Throughout the four hour flight, we chatted non-stop, almost in relief at being with someone in a similar predicament. It turned a frustrating, slow flight into an interesting one as we chatted about our time spent in Bulgaria and our funny experiences of Bulgarian people (more on that in my next blog post). Our mini-friendship continued once we arrived at the airport, as we collected our luggage together and found our way onto the train network. It was at that point that I bid him goodbye and we set off separately on the next stage of our journeys. Continue reading
2009 will be remembered for a lot of events. The inauguration of the first black American President, the death of a pop icon; Michael Jackson, and the worldwide spread of an infectious contagion that originated from a porker… no, not swine flu. SuBo (Susan Boyle).
Not only is it the end of the year, it’s the end of the decade – a period in which the phrase “I’m going to play with my wee (Wii)” became a normal thing to say, rather than something to be immediately sectioned for.
It’s now time to look forward to the new decade and that means the usual new year rituals. So, are you going out with friends, staying in with family, hosting a party, joining a party or burgling the houses of those people who are out celebrating? Here are the options, laid out: Continue reading
Some people do it in January. Others leave it until much later in the year. No, I’m not talking about the shameful breaking of New Year’s Resolutions. It’s Christmas shopping. You can certainly tell it’s Christmas. The women featured on the covers of men’s magazines are all wearing red thongs… 
What is it with Christmas shopping that makes it become such excruciating torture? Never mind about jail sentences for convicts, send them out with a difficult Christmas shopping list on December 24 instead. That’ll sort them out.
Perhaps those traumatic feelings are caused by the way in which the festive season has been taken over by retailers; continually pushing their Christmas offers in our faces from as early in the year as possible. “There are only 242 days of our Christmas sale remaining…” Continue reading
At a time when they’re saying that Father Christmas is too fat and that Sex Makes Men Healthier, surely it’s time for Santa to put two and two together and get himself a partner? It’s certainly not the time to be discussing unhealthy, fattening Christmas dinners. Or is it?
I was chatting with a friend of mine about Christmas dinner and he mentioned the idea of making a ballotine. “What the hell is a ballotine?” I asked him. He explained. “A ballotine is a multi-bird roast.” The most common type of ballotine in the UK is called a turducken. To make one, you stuff multiple birds (ooh-err missus), one inside the other, before cooking. As an alternative, if you use a Goose in your turducken, instead of a Turkey, it’s called a gooducken (I’m glad there’s no ‘f’ in the middle there).
All of this got me thinking, in my usual mischievous way… Continue reading
I saw this on another blog and thought I would share it. Jonathan Macdonald decorated his house with this brilliant Christmas creation this year. However, it proved rather controversial and he had to take the fake man down after only two days. The most impressive incident occurred when a 65 year old lady picked the ladder up (weighing 35 pounds) and attempted a dramatic rescue. It was only when she got to the top of the ladder that she realised that the body was fake. I bet Jonathan was wiped from her Christmas card list after that.