I Am Stupid – Pointless Letter #6

Today I received an email reply from someone that I had previously had correspondance with (he sent an enquiry to me, I replied). However, this particular email from him was less than kind about me, so I felt obliged to respond in my own way. It’s number 6 in my collection of pointless letters

His Email

The email to me

My response

Jim,

Thank you for your reply – your kind comments are more than I deserve. And thank you for your fabulous range of natty images – I found myself smiling and chuckling at them for seconds on end. Just to confirm – in the photo below your name, are you the human or the cat? I’ve never received an email from a cat before, so I’m understandably excited. :)

I have to completely agree with you – I am officially the most stupid person in the world and I have a certificate to prove it (I made it myself using the back of a cornflakes packet and some felt… the only problem was that I had an accident with the glue and now it’s stuck to the kitchen floor). With regards to my education, I like to think that I proved my teachers wrong when they said that my brain was smaller than the salad section in a Scottish supermarket. I left college with two GCSE certificates – in mouthwash gargling and plug-hole hair removal – before spending 15 years at university, eventually graduating with a degree in wok polishing.

For years I’ve yearned to be a Grounds Keeper, but sadly the only job they would give me was answering enquiries from cats such as yourself. This job and the part time job counting toe nail clippings for the local chiropodist (he likes to collect them for his world record attempt) earn me just enough to fund my heating bills, keep my cupboards stocked with spam and baked beans and feed the pet zebra that I keep in my bathroom (toilet trips are a safari all of their own).

Coming back to your enquiry, you gave me a simple question and I gave you three simple answers. Here is another one – we have a collection of 250,000 medical abbreviations and you can search either by individual abbreviation (EG: “BID” – Twice Daily) or by definition (“twice daily”, in this case). As you are aware, there is more than one abbreviation for frequency of medication and we do not have a page containing a set defined list. If we did, we would probably call it “Abbreviations For Medication Frequency” and include some animated images such as a cat wagging its tail and a weird blinking Star Trek Klingon with a hand that looks like a man’s bottom.

I hope this clears things up for you. I’m going to close this email now as it’s becoming longer than Rapunzel’s pubic hair.

Have a wonderful day – don’t get too high on catnip.

Alastair
P.S: If you would like to come around and look at my certificate at any point, you’d be most welcome. Also, if you have a wok that needs polishing, I’m your man…

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4 thoughts on “I Am Stupid – Pointless Letter #6

  1. You should be a part of a contest for one of the greatest blogs on the web.

    I am going to recommend this site!

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