Whether you love it or hate it, texting has become a major part of our daily lives. From keeping in touch with our friends to competitions and promotional offers on television and radio, these days we struggle to be away from our mobile phones for any length of time.
I saw a classic example of the promotional use of texting today whilst watching daytime television. A quiz was sponsored by a de-congestant and they were enticing people to find out more information by texting the word “mucus” to them. Lovely! What next?…
Latest offer: Win a pair of underpants. Simply text the words “I’ve soiled myself and my spare pair are in the washing machine” to 63352
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had numerous discussions with friends about frustrating text message conversations. Based upon those stories, I thought I’d write a post listing some typically frustrating types of text chat. You’ve probably been involved in some of the following types of conversation before:
This label applies to those people who bombard us with text messages. I’m sure you’ve been in the situation before where you finish writing a text message, hit send and a reply arrives back on your phone before you’ve even had the chance to put it down and take a sip of your tea. By replying, you’re signing a mini-contract to waste the best part of your day engaging the other person in pointless chatter. What a waste of bloody time!
Textual harrassers will, invariably, end up becoming stalkers and/or participants in late-night radio phone-ins.
Texts arrive on your phone but don’t make sense. Why? Because they are full of:
- mis-spelled words
- txt speak… E.G: “b4 u go out l8r dont 4get 2 put ur shoes on”
- words that have been changed by the ‘predictive text’ on the sender’s phone
Beware of number 3. A casual phrase, such as this one describing your dinner preparations:
“I have topped off the plate with some peas”
can easily become:
“I have tossed off the slave with some pear”
Now, you’d think that people would read a message through before sending it. But, no. People suffering with textual dysfunction are busy using their single brain cell for another use (breathing, probably) and so have no available capacity do this. As a consequence, you spend half an hour deciphering the message. Text conversations with textual dysfunction sufferers are a constant frustration.
Premature Text Ejaculation
This occurs when someone gets half way through writing a message and then accidentally pushes the send butt…
You send an important text message requiring a quick response and stare longingly at your mobile phone – waiting for a reply to come back – for days on end. Nothing. Has the message arrived on the recipient’s phone? Should you send it again? Perhaps they have replied, but it didn’t send properly. One thing’s for sure, you can’t possibly pick up the phone and call them (that’s far too sensible) so you’ll have to just sit there and get frustrated until you end up throwing your phone at the wall (and missing, with your prized iPhone smashing straight through your 54 inch plasma television). Now you’re even more cross…
Tosser… I’ll never speak to him ag… ah, what’s that bleeping sound coming from inside the television?
Those who engage in textual harassment tend to regularly suffer from textual frustration… usually within about 5 seconds of sending their message.
This occurs when you dump your existing phone, after becoming bored with the features, and get a new model, with a new number. You must immediately send out the obligatory message to your entire contact list (3 people) to make them aware of your new number.
This label can be given to those people who regularly indulge in sending rude and tasteless jokes.
We all like a funny joke or two. However, there are some people who not only text jokes around to their entire address book, but also consider themselves to be the King/Queen of party entertainment. They pull their phone out of their pocket at gatherings and recite their entire list of jokes to everyone in the room. They chortle loudly at their own jokes, thinking they’re funny. However, everyone just thinks they’re a tosser.
This label is for a text conversation where, due to the fact that text lacks emotion, something is misread and interpreted the wrong way, leading to a fight. Your sarcastic message to your other half telling him/her “thanks for cooking me dinner tonight, I wish I could say it was delicious…” may well receive the reply of “well, f*ck off then, you can cook next time…” This mistake is an expensive one, usually requiring flowers, chocolates and plenty of grovelling (in person and in text)…
Far from being joyous, texting can be an inconvenient and frustrating pain in the arse. It’s time to take a good look at yourself. Do you fall into one of these categories? If so, keep it to your bloody self!!! 😉