Late-Night Toilet Roll Mission

Toilet Roll

Last night, I visited my local store on a late-evening mission of some urgency. I’m sure that most of you reading this have been in a similar situation before.

As I strolled through the front door of the store, it became all too obvious that it was nearing closing time. Why? Well, the shopkeeper looked positively suicidal and the only items left on the shelves were a salad labelled with yesterday’s date and a half-eaten doughnut. If I hadn’t known better, I could have easily assumed that the townsfolk had entered into Emergency British Panic Buying Mode – an event that normally occurs when weather forecasters predict a flake of snow to fall somewhere within 100 miles.

So, why was I venturing out in the middle of the night? Well, I had experienced the ultimate nightmare. No, I’m not talking about waking up in bed, with a heavy hangover, lying naked next to your best friend’s grandmother (don’t pretend you’ve never had that dream!!). I was running low on toilet paper.

Cutting straight to the chase, I managed to find the aisle with the toilet paper. Good news awaited me – the brand of toilet roll that I normally buy was on special offer – hooray! Cue a quick dance and spin on the spot to celebrate. My glee didn’t last long, however, as there was a sting in the tail. They had sold out of every colour… except “Blossom Pink.” So, standing there, perplexed, scratching my head in deliberation and feeling increasingly desperate for the toilet, I had to mull over the following two options in my mind. Should I:

a) Buy the blossom pink toilet paper and risk the jibes of friends when they come over. So, what would my mates think about my very feminine, pink toilet roll – surely it’s a given that they’ll take the piss (pun intended)? More importantly; as a single man, what impression would the blossom pink toilet roll give to any ladies when I invite them over for dinner and they visit the bathroom?

b) Opt for the more expensive, alternative brand of super-quilted, quadruple velvet, gold-lined ‘bog roll’ (available in manly colours such as ‘duck tape grey’, ‘camouflage green’ or ‘gun barrel beige’).

Which option did I choose? Option a). No wonder the shopkeeper had a big smile on his face as I walked back out of the door…

7 thoughts on “Late-Night Toilet Roll Mission

  1. Had that dream – and lived it 🙁 surely you can say you got the loo roll in special as you knew she was coming over ! To your mates you simply say that your last ‘conquest’ had left it – simple!

  2. had some minor finger trouble and can’t tell if my previous comment went or not .. so this may well be a repeat …

    tell your mates that your latest lucky lady must have left it behind. Tell a lucky lady that you got it special for her because you knew she was coming… problem solved.

  3. Glen – Good ideas, those. I will certainly keep them in mind and use them. Let’s just hope that they don’t read this blog!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *