Speed Dating Fun

Speed Dating Snails

Yesterday evening, I decided to take the plunge and try speed dating. This is the story of the events that occurred. I was somewhat nervous to start off with – excusable considering I was a ‘speed dating virgin’ – but in the end it proved to be an enjoyable and fun evening.

In preparation for the event, I scoured the Internet for some advice and tips and also some suggestions for questions that I could ask. The advice was useful, but the question suggestions were either boring or ones that I’d rather smash a pint glass over my head than ask. For example, “So, which character in friends do you most identify with?” Uh!

On the evening of the event, I arrived at the pub and was presented with a card on which there were a series of boxes. I was told to write the number and name of each lady in the left hand column boxes after I had sat down and made my introduction. Next to those were 3 smaller tick boxes – “date,” “friend” and “no thanks.” Notable by their absence were the options for “quick shag outside by the back wall,” “restraining order” and “call the police, I’ve seen this guy on Crimewatch.”

There was also a column on the sheet marked “notes”, in which we could write facts about the person in order to aid our memory in the time that followed the event. Such scribbles could include “psychopath,” “reminds me of Margaret Thatcher” and “DO NOT GIVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO THIS LADY EVEN IF YOU ARE COMPLETELY PISSED!” Obviously, we were told not to write the notes infront of the person whilst talking to them. E.G: “I notice you have a glass eye, spit when you talk and look like my best friend’s ugly aunt, I’ll just make a quick note of that on my sheet…”

Helpfully, on the reverse of the card there were some ideas listed for questions that we could ask if we suddenly found ourselves in the middle of an awkward silence (so, no need for me to use my emergency ‘Friends character‘ question). Bizarrely, one of those questions was “what’s in your fridge?” It was so ridiculously random that I used it several times throughout the evening (phrased in a jokey manner). It did, however, backfire on me on one occasion, where the lady spent the following minute and a half listing everything in her fridge… I actually tried interrupting her in the middle, but she refused to stop until she had named everything. Perhaps a sign of OCD? (I used the time to jot that down on my ‘notes’ sheet whilst she was finishing her fridge items list). Definite traits of a Monica there (albeit a bit older).

We had a mammoth 7 minutes to talk to each lady, with 10 ladies in total. They stayed on the same sofa/chair/bar stool/hammock (no, not really) whilst the men rotated around the room looking like cows being led to the slaughter house. The 7 minutes seemed like a long time at first, but actually flew by on every occasion… with the exception of one. During that particular episode, the lady repeatedly answered my questions with one-word, nondescript answers – she was definitely a Phoebe!

There was a real mixture of women at the event and I got along well with all of them. Some were being very serious about the whole thing. E.G:

Lady: “I come to these regularly to find dates… what’s your star sign please?”
Me: “I’m not sure, but I think it’s in the constellation with Uranus…”
Lady: ………

Other ladies were taking things less seriously. With that being said, I was disappointed not to get an opportunity at any point to ask a question from my list of unusual questions, such as:

  1. So, what is your stance on cannibalism?
  2. Would you date a guy who lived in a tent?
  3. Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?
  4. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Bill Cosby? (no, I obviously wasn’t intending to use that one)

After all the 7 minute torture sessions where over, everyone headed to the bar to relax, and, in the case of a few people, get completely shit-faced. The results weren’t pretty – at one point one of the ladies pulled down the top of her trousers to show me her ‘Mr Tickle’…

Anyway, enough about tattoos of Mr Men characters (well, what else did you think I was talking about?). This speed dating event was fun. However, due to the fact that I had chosen an “over 30s” event, everyone there was older than me and most were over 40 (hey, I still got 3 phone numbers). It’ll be interesting to compare it with a speed dating event for a 26-39 age group (which I hope to attend in a couple of weeks time). I suspect they will be less fun, more serious and won’t be arriving by way of their free bus passes…

…I wonder what they’ll have in their fridge? Hey, come to think of it, what have you got in yours?

Why not read my latest speed dating article, speed dating in the boudoir?

3 thoughts on “Speed Dating Fun

  1. Hey Bruce,
    Your post was hilarious. I enjoyed reading it. What city are you in? That may sound random, but I think it would be fun if you and I check out a speed dating event some day. Like a wingman kind of thing. Let me know.

    Take care,

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