Questions Not To Ask On A First Date

First Date

We’ve all been there – the nervous first date. You meet up with your victim/date and sit down to chat over a coffee. But, after a while you’ve exhausted the regular questions like “so, what do you do for a living?” and “lovely weather, isn’t it?” There’s an awkward silence as you both reach for the last digestive biscuit…

To help you, I’ve come up with a handy list of questions that you can ask your date, to get the conversation moving again.

Here’s some good ones:

  1. What is your dream job?
  2. Do you have any interesting collections?
  3. If you could wake up tomorrow with any ability, what would you choose?
  4. If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?
  5. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?
  6. If someone with multiple personality disorder threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

And here’s some alternative ones:

  1. That’s a lovely outfit… have you always been colour blind?
  2. You have a really interesting haircut… how much sponsorship money have you raised?
  3. So, how long have you been in the witness relocation programme?
  4. Are you a nun? Do you have any bad habits? (ok, that was a terrible joke)
  5. Have you given names to all of your head lice or just the special ones?
  6. Have you ever been on a date, but found that there was no spark? Well, you won’t get that problem with me – I’m an arsonist!
  7. Is that piercing supposed to be there or has someone attacked you with a staple gun?
  8. So, how long have you owned your womble costume?
  9. I highly recommend colonic irrigation – have you ever tried it?
  10. Have you always had a moustache… I’m not sure it goes with that blouse?
  11. Why are you staring at me like that – haven’t you ever seen a naked man before?
  12. Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched? No, good… (quickly change subject)
  13. Has anyone ever told you that when you laugh, you sound like the woman from the Krankies? Come to think of it, you don’t look too dissimilar either…
  14. I’ve been trying to figure it out all night… are those breasts real?
  15. So, what do you think of my “I Shag On The First Date” t-shirt?
  16. Has anyone ever told you that you have very big hands for a lady… and is that an adams apple?
  17. Did I mention that I’m Gillian McKeith’s younger brother? If you’d like to take a crap into this plastic box, I’ll tell you what’s wrong with your diet…
  18. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? I mean, they can do wonders with noses these days!
  19. Have you met my imaginary friend Phillip? Say hello, Phillip…
  20. Where would you like to go for our honeymoon – I was thinking Morocco…?

This blog post features in the onlinedating.org 45 articles on questions to ask before the first date article.

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