Ok, I admit it, I’ve been dabbling in the world of online dating. It’s been an interesting and, occasionally, eye-opening experience.

Earlier today, I was looking through a few online dating profiles and the following irritating phrase came up several times:

“I’m a lil like marmite – you either love me or hate me.”

Ah, ok, so you’re not a “lil like marmite” because you’re thick, pasty and smell like shit? Why include such an inappropriate and over-used slogan in your profile? If you do include one, at least use something interesting, like:

• “I’m like Gillette – the best a man can get”
• “I’m a bit like your MasterCard – I’m your flexible friend”
• “I’m a bit like Kelloggs Frosties… I’m grrrrrreat!”

Anyway, this observation got me wondering what company slogan comparisons I could use in my own online dating profile. I think I’ll include some of the following:

I am like:

Sony: like.no.other
Stella Artois: Reassuringly expensive
Britvic: Simply the best there is
Greggs Bakers: Ready when you are
Burger King: The home of the Whopper
KFC: Finger lickin’ good
Milky Way: I’m the sweet you can eat between meals (without ruining your appetite)
Energizer Batteries: I keep going, and going, and going
Martini: Any time, any place, any where
Sainsbury’s: Try something new today
Peperami: I’m a bit of an animal
Nintendo DS: Touching is good
Pringles: Once I pop, the fun don’t stop
Rennie: Powerful relief in just two minutes
Burger King (2): It takes two hands to hold a Whopper
Rowntrees Fruit Gums: There’s juice loose aboot this hoose
Opal Fruits: Made to make your mouth water
Smarties: Wot a lot I got
Hewlett Packard: Expanding possibilities
Shredded Wheat: Bet you can’t eat three

and finally, my favourite:
Wagon Wheels: It’s so big, you’ve gotta grin to get it in